A Visit From The Playoff Committee

A Christmas classic for bowl season.

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‘Twas the night ‘fore Selection, and in several cities,

Games had attention of the Playoff Committee.

The Utes had a chance at their first playoff berth,

While the Ducks could bring them crashing back to earth.

Clemson was nestled all snug against the Hoos

Some doubted their schedule, they’d no chance to lose

Oklahoma and Baylor would square off again

And hope that the Bulldogs couldn’t squeeze back in

From Indianapolis there came quiet mutters

The Buckeyes’ had started the game with a sputter 

Their spotless record seemed doomed in a flash,

As the Badgers kept knocking them back on their ass

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OSU would rally, the Sooners would close,

And two types of Tigers put on stunning shows.

The committee anointed the four in the field

While six dozen more teams awaited their deals

The playoff might offer some hopes of a title

But the second-tier bowls remained something vital 

In droves and in clusters Sunday morning they came

And they whistled, and shouted, and called out their names

Now Cheez-It! Now Frisco! Now RedBox and Belk Bowl!

Camellia! Pinstripe! LendingTree, Potato!

To Tampa! To Shreveport, to Boca Raton!

To play a 6-6 team whose coach is now gone!

Teams that went 3-5 in conference play

They’ll meet at 1pm on a December Tuesday

So off to Legion Field or El Paso they’ll fly

With a sponsorship from Autozone or Cheribundi

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Cincy hoped for Cotton, they’ll get Boston College

In Birmingham; it’s not great, we’ll acknowledge

The Seminoles are starting a brand-new bowl streak 

And they’ll have a different head coach by mid-next week

For some, any bowl game is surely a thriller

But for UCF this year? It’s Gasparilla.

Chris Petersen will retire against his old team

A Las Vegas Bowl is hardly one’s first dream

One more game might offer additional practice,

Turn offensive theory into live-game praxis.

Maybe a third-stringer will put it in turbo

Be named player of a game named after Vrbo

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It’s chubby and plump, a vehicle for grift,

But still we appreciate this annual gift.

A wink and a nod, a trip to the Bahamas

There’s 41 individual minor-grade dramas

Three dozen-plus games, none technically count

But throughout December they’ll help us all out

We’ll watch them while sitting on our in-laws’ couch

Or stream at the office while closing work down.

So we’ll speak not a word if the games are all crap,

We’ll channel surf to them and fall in the trap.

And laying our fingers aside of our nose,

We’ll approvingly nod to the surfeit of bowls.

We’ll spring to ESPN3, to CBS Sports Net,

Enter a pick-em and place a stray sports bet

You’ll hear me exclaim, as we near New Year’s Day

“Happy bowling to all, even Michigan State!”


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Scott Hines (@actioncookbook)