Snow Day Tips and Tricks
How to keep kids entertained when winter weather shuts down schools
Over the weekend, a significant winter storm barrelled through the midsection of the country, leaving a frigid mess of snow and ice from Kansas City to Washington, DC.
Here in Louisville, Kentucky, we received more than ten inches of snow, the most from a single storm in nearly ten years. Naturally, local schools were forced to close for multiple days, leaving many parents like myself scrambling for ways to keep their little ones entertained.
Fortunately, I’m a bit of an expert, and I’ve assembled a list full of great ideas for how you can make the most of an unexpected snow day.
Let’s review.
Send them out to play in the snow
This one’s obvious, right?
Here in Louisville, we only get a significant snow every couple of winters, and you’ve got to seize these moments when they come. There’s sledding to be done, snowmen to be built, snowballs to be thrown and snow angels to be made.
The first thing you’ll want to do is get your kids good and bundled up. Depending on their ages, this can take as little as thirty minutes or as much as half an hour. Much of that time will be spent arguing about the need for warm clothing at all, as the children will have it on good authority that none of their classmates’ parents make their kids cover their faces. Do not let this deter you; those parents are simply cooler than you, and their children love them more. There is nothing that you can do about that.
Now, they’re fully dressed, and—what’s that, sweetie?
[fifteen minutes later]
Now, they’ve gone to the bathroom and they’re fully dressed again. Send them off into the yard, and trust that the magic of this newfound winter wonderland will give you a few minutes to log in and catch up on work emai—
Will you come out and play with us?
Go out and play with them!
Sure, you have a lot to do. It’s the start of a new year, and work piled up over the holidays. That inbox backup is deep. But your kids aren’t going to be young forever, and you know how important it is to savor these magical moments while they last. Tell them you’ll be out in just a minute—you’ve just got to get bundled up too.
At this point, you may discover that your winter coat is a size or two smaller than it was last time it snowed. This is not your fault; it is a conspiracy by Big Jacket, who secretly designs clothing to shrink in the closet. Some day there will be a class-action lawsuit about this, but it is not today.
Get on your snow pants, boots, a scarf, gloves, earmuffs, a hat, and—
Daddy we’re ready to come inside it’s cold out there
Make hot cocoa!
Who doesn’t love a steaming cup of hot chocolate on a chilly winter morning? You even had the foresight to buy a fresh box of Swiss Miss while participating in the pre-storm siege of the local grocery store. Good for you!
Now, there are two different preparation methods suggested on the box, and you can pick either one. The other one will have been the correct option.
It’s too hot
—don’t worry honey I’ll put an ice cube in it
now it’s too cold
—I’ll just heat it up in the microwave
why does it look all clumpy
—I don’t know maybe I didn’t stir it right
why did she get that mug? I wanted that mug!
—because I have set out to wrong you personally, knowing that it would go well for me in the end. my devious plan has worked, and now I may reap the benefits of being yelled at
do we have any marshmallows?
—I think there’s some in the back of the pantry
daddy why are these marshmallows gross?
—because they’re marshmallows honey
Send them out to play in the snow again
Ah, crap. Their snow clothes are all wet from earlier. Well, a quick spin in the dryer will have them toasty and warm, I suppose they can constructively entertain themselves for fifteen or twenty minutes.
Quiet Reading Time!
They got a bunch of books for Christmas, now might be a great time to sit down and read them. They can cozy up under a blanket and let their imaginations—
Fine, let them watch one movie.
You’ve got that meeting coming up in half an hour anyway, and they probably could stand to warm up a little longer.
A great way to get them warmed up is by asking two or more children an open-ended question like “what movie do you want to watch?”, something that will cause a forty-five minute argument and necessitate repeated explanations of the fact that Sonic 3 won’t be available for streaming for two more weeks. This argument will only be resolved when you search to confirm what the “ninja dog” movie they heard of is.
(It is called Paws of Fury. You will hope that Mel Brooks and Michelle Yeoh got paid well for it, and you will be grateful that you did not have to watch it with them.)
—hi everyone sorry I’m late joining, I got stuck on another call—
Calmly inquire as to why the hell they are watching YouTube videos
the movie ended
—and so you just turned on Minecraft videos?
right
—your clothes are dry now, why don’t you go back outside?
we don’t want to, it’s cold out there
—okay well you have to turn off the YouTube videos
this one’s almost over
—fine. just turn it off after this one
[ten minutes later]
—I thought you said it was almost over
I think it is
—[checks] there are six and a half hours left in this video?? there’s no way! turn it off.
but you said we could watch it!!
Play a family game
Too much screentime is bad for anyone—kids or adults. Peel yourself away from Microsoft Teams for a few minutes, and revel in the chance to share a wholesome family activity like a board or card game!
It’s not just about play, though—these games can teach valuable life skills, including Being a Sore Loser, Being a Sore Winner, Accusing a Full-Grown Adult of Cheating at The Game of Life, and Accusing an Inanimate Object of Having a Personal Bias Against You.
What could possibly go wrong?
Go shovel snow for a little peace and quiet
Everyone needs to cool off a little bit after what will in future years be referred to as “the UNO incident”, and what better way for you, personally, to do so than by clearing off the driveway? While you were playing, the snowplow finally came by, and now there’s a nice five-foot wall of hard, icy snow separating you from both the street and your dreams of going absolutely anywhere else.
Channel all that snow day energy into your shovel!
Sure, you somehow worked a nine-hour day and accomplished nothing while doing so, but that’s just the motivation you need to tear down that icy wall. See, you’re warming up already, and the lower back pain is just proof that you’re doing a good job. Runners talk of a runner’s high, and that stabbing pain in your chest is just the beginning of “shoveler’s high”. Just a few more minutes, and you’ll have—
Daddy are you okay
—what
You were laying on the snow
—no I was just resting my back
You were face down
—my back needed air
Come inside, Daddy. Mommy made the best hot chocolate and we’re going to snuggle on the couch and watch Sonic 3
—that sounds great, kiddo
—wait, how long was I out?
—Scott Hines (@actioncookbook)
Thanks for reading another edition of Calvin’s Dad’s Newsletter! Don’t forget to like, subscribe and share with all your friends. Until next time, remember to aerate your back!
Sunday morning, we were getting all of our winter weather stuff ready and tore the house apart because we could not find my wife’s winter boots. Three pair of them, just gone. Not in any of the closets, under-bed boxes, the attic – anywhere. It’s been 3 years since we had meaningful snow, so we assumed we donated them due to lack of use. We scrambled and put in a hasty pick up order at DSW…which was cancelled about 18 minutes after placing it. We ran to The Worst Strip Mall to hit up a Dick’s location that, between 11th hour snow prep and holiday returns was its own ring of Hell, and left with a passable pair that would be fine for now and placed an order for 2 better pair that would arrive midweek, since another snow is looming next weekend. An hour or so after we got home I heard a guttural, not entirely human sound, followed by a heavy thud at the bottom of the staircase. This was, of course, the bag containing all 3 “missing” pairs of boots, which had been in the very back of an armoire drawer under all the sheets for the 2nd bedroom. I don’t think it was my doing but I apologized anyway, just to be safe. So now she has 4 pair in the house and 2 more coming tomorrow.
It’s a net win for society that there are no children exposed to this lunacy.