ME: [pulls bag of popcorn out of microwave] Ahh, another deeply unproductive day. [opens bag of M&Ms, dumps it into popcorn bag] Time to curl up under a throw blanket, watch every episode of Floor Is Lava and scroll social media while getting progressively angrier. [cracks beer]

[flops on couch] Yep. Nice little evening planned here, and—

VOICE: We need t…