What president would you *actually* want to have a beer with?
The Friday Newsletter has some thoughts, plus a seafood recipe, some great new music, a lovably stupid dog and more?
This coming Monday is Presidents’ Day. Did you forget? Because I sure did!
Every February, we pay tribute to this country’s previous heads of state by having mattress sales and by making me say “wait, the kids are off school on Monday? Why?” It’s arguably the least of all the holidays on the American calendar, a day celebrated by no one save for perhaps the occasional over-enthusiastic AP US History teacher.
It does get me thinking, though.
As a people, Americans are not terrific at selecting our leaders. We have an antiquated, byzantine nominating process that puts far too much weight on what people in Iowa and New Hampshire think, and much of our collective judgement of a potential leader’s suitability for the job comes down to one question:
Would I like to have a beer with them?
Yes, this country has many strange customs, but one of our strangest is the inexplicably-widespread desire to be governed by a drinking buddy. Ironically, this litmus test is often applied favorably to politicians who may seem folksy in one way or another (George W. Bush, Joe Biden, Donald Trump) but who are themselves teetotalers. We’re not even good at applying our dumbest metric!
Now, I’ve never had a beer with a president, but I have sat down for Diet Cokes with an ultimately-successful presidential candidate, so I think I’m equipped to conduct a historical analysis.
What president, living or dead, would be fun to have a beer with?
I’ve sorted them into a few tiers.
Immediately rejected out of hand:
Any pre-Civil War presidents. Save for Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln, I don’t really know that much about this country’s earliest leaders, and I feel like we’d struggle to find any common conversational ground. The gap in experiences is just too big. I pull out my phone to check a text, and Martin Van Buren’s gonna have a heart attack on the spot. I don’t need that hanging over me. (Unless he was bad. Was he bad?)
The current president. Joe Biden doesn’t drink anyways, so this is sort of moot, but I feel like he should be doing president stuff instead of hanging out with me.
The previous president. No.
Considered but ultimately rejected:
Lyndon B. Johnson: LBJ was quite the character, and I bet he’s got some knee-slappers of jokes. I feel like he would immediately turn it into a drinking contest, though. and I am not getting into a drinking contest that I would lose badly.
Teddy Roosevelt: You get a few drinks in him, and suddenly he’d be like LET’S BUY A BOAT AND FIND THE SOURCE OF THE AMAZON. To be clear, I am also like this when you get a few drinks in me. Someone has to be the voice of reason.
Jimmy Carter: Not a drinker regardless, but aside from that, I feel like I’d ask “what’s going on, man?” and he’d tell me all about all the amazing charity work he’s been doing. Then, since he’s a nice guy, he’d ask what I’ve been up to, and I’d have to be like “oh I’ve been trying to learn how to make calzones.”
John F. Kennedy: You just know he’d hit on the bar staff and make it weird.
Barack Obama: “I’ve really been enjoying the new boygenius album,” right yes Barack I see your lists
Runners-up
James A. Garfield: I just really enjoyed Destiny of the Republic and I’m sad that his doctors didn’t know poking your unwashed hands into a bullet wound doesn’t help patients recover. Is this a time-travel scenario? Maybe I could teach him about germ theory, or at least tell him it’s easier if he does give Guiteau a job.
William Howard Taft: c’mon, you’re gonna look at that dude and tell me he doesn’t know how to party?
Warren G. Harding: wildly corrupt, historically-notable horndog, died in office with great approval ratings only to be tarnished by scandal after he was dead. Also, an Ohioan. [Stefan from SNL voice] This club has everything…
Ultimately, though, I realized that The Simpsons were right all along.
It’s Gerald Ford.
I don’t share his politics, but he seems pretty affable. I could tease him about pardoning Nixon and then we could order nachos and talk about football.
Hard to go wrong.
What president would you want to have a beer with?
And please, show your work!
Friends, it is Friday again at The Action Cookbook Newsletter.
Whether you’ve got a three-day weekend ahead or not, you’ve hopefully got some free time to fill, and I’m here to help.
Today, I’ve got a Lent-friendly burger recipe, a smoothed-down cocktail, some great music, an update from the world’s most good-natured idiot of a dog, and much more!
I solemnly swear to faithfully execute my duties as your Friday fixer.
You mean to tell me a shrimp griddled this burger?
Mardi Gras has come and gone, and the Lenten season is upon us. I don’t personally observe meat-free Fridays, but I’m a fan of the culinary traditions around them. (I love a good fish fry.) I’ve had to learn to restrain myself from deep-frying at home, but I knew this weekend was going to have to be some kind of seafood recipe.
One of the recipes here that I’ve had the best feedback on is my Salmon Burgers with Cream Cheese-Dill Spread from a few years ago—they’re really great, and I’m not just saying that.
Heck, we even served them at the ACBN x Lou Øyster Cült pop-up in 2022.
The success of those burgers came not necessarily in the ingredients, but the technique—I hand-chopped the salmon, and made sure to not over-work the patties or fill them with too much binder, instead using parchment paper to delicately transfer them to a hot griddle.
Well, I decided to revisit that technique, but mix up the ingredients a bit, making Shawarma-Spiced Shrimp Burgers on my electric skillet.