The first time I saw a possum was shortly after my dad had taken a job in California and we moved there from the Hague. You don't get much in the way of wildlife in Dutch suburbs, so we were completely befuddled when - sitting in the hot tub and feeling very SoCal - a momma possum and a few babies came walking along the top of the fence, paused to look and hiss at us, and then took off. What the fuck was that?
Working in automobile claims, I’ve had claims where a chipmunk totaled a vehicle. It was a car that sat in a garage over the winter and a family of chipmunks made their home in it, chewing away at all the wires, using the ventilation system like suspicious space people in Among Us and eating the seats and upholstery.
Granted the car was a mid ‘00’s Camry or something but they did a HELUVA JOB on this car and we totaled it.
One winter, we had a squirrel that kept getting under the hood of whichever car wasn't parked in the garage and eating wires. Ate the entire wire assembly for the mass-air controller (car still ran fine without it) and made a giant hole in the heat-resistant foam padding under the hood in my Fusion. Then, one night it chewed through a bunch of wires and made an entire nest of sticks and leaves inside the engine bay of my wife's Passat. Had to call a human pest remover to get her the hell away from us.
Sir, I represent the Sloth Anti-Defamation League. On behalf of my client, I have been authorized to demand a retraction of your scurrilous anti-Sloth slander. My client feels so strongly about this that a protest and picket of your facility is imminently scheduled.
Expect the Sloth Armada as soon as possible, in 3-4 months.
Have you seen the Nova Scotia Racoon Whisperer? And his literal army of fuzzy woodland critters? Consider taking a look, and experience the joy of watching a Canadian man feed roughly 30 racoons five pounds of hotdogs. (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrUI5mqQeZTiWui5UF0DsxA)
I would like to protest the UNFAIR application of criteria being applied here. How can you ding squirrels for also being everywhere but then turn around and give racoons the number one spot!? As someone who almost died on my bike in the middle of DC when a racoon came running out into the street, I take extreme offense to this.
some of those elites might have seen the RFK raccoon(s) when they took their kids' soccer teams to DC United during the final 2 or 3 years when the stadium was really crumbling.
Oh man (and daughter), you're in my wheelhouse now! These rankings are fine, great in fact. Raccoons are rock stars, no question. However, there are two serious omissions. The first one is the wolf, meaning the real woodland timber wolf, not the coyote. The second is the ultimate badass woodland creature, the wolverine. You don't want to mess with either of these animals. They are not cute. Of course, as a Canadian I would like to see the beaver in there, but you can't have everything.
The beavers of the DC area unwittingly gave those of us with the humor of 11 year olds great glee when they kept causing problems with the cherry blossoms around the Tidal Basin at the Jefferson Memorial and had to be removed by Adcock pest control.
there is an inverse relationship between the number of raptors or foxes in the neighborhood and the number of rabbits. For years we had foxes living in an adjacent property (end of a cul de sac, lots of trees, abandoned house) but someone bought it and I think the foxes split. The frequent presence of a barred owl probably explains why there's been no bounce back.
It's wild the difference... our previous house, only about 5 miles closer in to town, I saw rabbits all the time. Like, if I went on a morning run, I'd see 20 in an hour. Since we moved into this house, only slightly more suburban, I've probably seen five in four years. But there's TONS of hawks. I can't explain why there's such a difference in such close geographic proximity.
I'm starting to wonder if the slow spread of replacement houses is contributing to it. The county overall is known for having an unusually dense canopy for a suburban location, and our street (and several others around) were developed in the 50s by a guy who was unusual for not clear-cutting. Now that people are replacing the 50s split level houses with massive shitboxes (no really, I love 5 - 6,000 sq ft houses with 5 different facade materials!), the rules for front setbacks mean that a lot of backyard trees get cleared. There are enough mature trees left for large birds but there's also a lot of clear range of vision for raptors looking for lunch.
Weed-killers have something to do with the absence of rabbits, as well. They eat a lot of what is killed off by broad-leaf herbicides, like clover. No food = no rabbits. The only year that I didn't have rabbits in my yard was about five years ago when I put in the effort to have a "nice" lawn. Now approx. 75% of my back yard is a mixture of clover, wild strawberry, and wild violets. We get rabbits every year and I like the way it looks. Bonus, the wild strawberry and clover somewhat slow down the crab grass.
Much to the chagrin of my a-hole grass-aficionado next door neighbor, I have a wonderfully biodiverse yard that is pretty much the mixture you describe. I claim it's intentional but it's mostly because I can't be bothered to put money and effort into lawn care beyond mowing.
I don't use weed killers, but I cannot say the same of all my neighbors. My back yard has enough mature trees that it's all ground cover and moss, and the front yard has been taken over by zoysia.
Trash panda at #1? All I can say is someone more savvy than I needs to drop evidence that Lynx Rufus would punch any of these lower woodland creatures in the face.
Quote by a forest ranger at Yosemite National Park on why it is hard to design the perfect garbage bin to keep bears from breaking into it: “There is considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.”
If I had my way, deer would be last. Stupid rats with hooves. Ask my corgi how she likes them, you'd get a 2 hour lecture on their uselessness, if my corgi could talk
The one time a deer got in our backyard (before it was fenced, and Holly was on a 30' leash on a stake), she chased it so hard she bent the stake, which was supposedly for a much larger dog.
I'm with you on this - but in this house, it's my wife (5 foot nothing of midwest nice) who will literally run out of the house to chase them out of our yard. If she thought she could get away with bow hunting them, she would be up on the roof... waiting.
It's not the craziest idea ever. The DC burbs are especially suited to deer, and counties in both VA and MD have to have periodic culls. We could take some of the load off the county's shoulders.
Yeah, in the pantheon of "woodland creatures likely to end up on a child's curtains", wolves always get edged out by foxes. But the wolves won't forget it.
I love Noel Fielding and I’ve gotten used to Prue, but Japan and 80s week feel like too many stretches, and too much forced uncomfortable bits from Matt with the bakers.
RANK POSSUMS YOU COWARD
Possums are everything raccoons wish they were.
The first time I saw a possum was shortly after my dad had taken a job in California and we moved there from the Hague. You don't get much in the way of wildlife in Dutch suburbs, so we were completely befuddled when - sitting in the hot tub and feeling very SoCal - a momma possum and a few babies came walking along the top of the fence, paused to look and hiss at us, and then took off. What the fuck was that?
Should have invited them into the hot tub
very rude of us not to
Possums:
+ Cute, but not TOO cute (look at those babies!)
+ Health conscious (Not carriers of rabies!)
+ Civic minded (can eat thousands of ticks a season!)
+ Unique (North America's only marsupial!)
+ Pro mass transit (Look at them all riding on their mamas!)
- Not great at crossing roads
AGREED https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/28/style/are-rats-good-pets.html
Working in automobile claims, I’ve had claims where a chipmunk totaled a vehicle. It was a car that sat in a garage over the winter and a family of chipmunks made their home in it, chewing away at all the wires, using the ventilation system like suspicious space people in Among Us and eating the seats and upholstery.
Granted the car was a mid ‘00’s Camry or something but they did a HELUVA JOB on this car and we totaled it.
I feel terrible for those car owners, but I am absolutely delighted by this information.
I’ve heard about squirrels living in air filters of cars that don’t move but this is NEXT LEVEL. Chipmunks sus.
One winter, we had a squirrel that kept getting under the hood of whichever car wasn't parked in the garage and eating wires. Ate the entire wire assembly for the mass-air controller (car still ran fine without it) and made a giant hole in the heat-resistant foam padding under the hood in my Fusion. Then, one night it chewed through a bunch of wires and made an entire nest of sticks and leaves inside the engine bay of my wife's Passat. Had to call a human pest remover to get her the hell away from us.
Sir, I represent the Sloth Anti-Defamation League. On behalf of my client, I have been authorized to demand a retraction of your scurrilous anti-Sloth slander. My client feels so strongly about this that a protest and picket of your facility is imminently scheduled.
Expect the Sloth Armada as soon as possible, in 3-4 months.
Govern yourself accordingly.
They’re a fine creature, but they shouldn’t constrain themselves to the province of squirrels and deer. They’re better than that.
autorec for "Govern yourself accordingly". I needed that on a craptastic monday morning.
Have you seen the Nova Scotia Racoon Whisperer? And his literal army of fuzzy woodland critters? Consider taking a look, and experience the joy of watching a Canadian man feed roughly 30 racoons five pounds of hotdogs. (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrUI5mqQeZTiWui5UF0DsxA)
I would like to protest the UNFAIR application of criteria being applied here. How can you ding squirrels for also being everywhere but then turn around and give racoons the number one spot!? As someone who almost died on my bike in the middle of DC when a racoon came running out into the street, I take extreme offense to this.
They're shakin' things up inside the Beltway! People love that!
Typical. They move into DC just to attack the working class people and let the elites off easy.
some of those elites might have seen the RFK raccoon(s) when they took their kids' soccer teams to DC United during the final 2 or 3 years when the stadium was really crumbling.
Oh man (and daughter), you're in my wheelhouse now! These rankings are fine, great in fact. Raccoons are rock stars, no question. However, there are two serious omissions. The first one is the wolf, meaning the real woodland timber wolf, not the coyote. The second is the ultimate badass woodland creature, the wolverine. You don't want to mess with either of these animals. They are not cute. Of course, as a Canadian I would like to see the beaver in there, but you can't have everything.
These are great points, and really, the beaver should be in here. Right up there with the sloth and possum as my most controversial snubs.
The beavers of the DC area unwittingly gave those of us with the humor of 11 year olds great glee when they kept causing problems with the cherry blossoms around the Tidal Basin at the Jefferson Memorial and had to be removed by Adcock pest control.
Bunnies #1. Woodland creatures should be judged solely by cuteness. That you called them “Rabbits” shows your inherent bias. 🐰
"rabbit" is more typically used in culinary applications. just ask the hawks
there is an inverse relationship between the number of raptors or foxes in the neighborhood and the number of rabbits. For years we had foxes living in an adjacent property (end of a cul de sac, lots of trees, abandoned house) but someone bought it and I think the foxes split. The frequent presence of a barred owl probably explains why there's been no bounce back.
It's wild the difference... our previous house, only about 5 miles closer in to town, I saw rabbits all the time. Like, if I went on a morning run, I'd see 20 in an hour. Since we moved into this house, only slightly more suburban, I've probably seen five in four years. But there's TONS of hawks. I can't explain why there's such a difference in such close geographic proximity.
I'm starting to wonder if the slow spread of replacement houses is contributing to it. The county overall is known for having an unusually dense canopy for a suburban location, and our street (and several others around) were developed in the 50s by a guy who was unusual for not clear-cutting. Now that people are replacing the 50s split level houses with massive shitboxes (no really, I love 5 - 6,000 sq ft houses with 5 different facade materials!), the rules for front setbacks mean that a lot of backyard trees get cleared. There are enough mature trees left for large birds but there's also a lot of clear range of vision for raptors looking for lunch.
I am not a crank.
Weed-killers have something to do with the absence of rabbits, as well. They eat a lot of what is killed off by broad-leaf herbicides, like clover. No food = no rabbits. The only year that I didn't have rabbits in my yard was about five years ago when I put in the effort to have a "nice" lawn. Now approx. 75% of my back yard is a mixture of clover, wild strawberry, and wild violets. We get rabbits every year and I like the way it looks. Bonus, the wild strawberry and clover somewhat slow down the crab grass.
Much to the chagrin of my a-hole grass-aficionado next door neighbor, I have a wonderfully biodiverse yard that is pretty much the mixture you describe. I claim it's intentional but it's mostly because I can't be bothered to put money and effort into lawn care beyond mowing.
I don't use weed killers, but I cannot say the same of all my neighbors. My back yard has enough mature trees that it's all ground cover and moss, and the front yard has been taken over by zoysia.
Trash panda at #1? All I can say is someone more savvy than I needs to drop evidence that Lynx Rufus would punch any of these lower woodland creatures in the face.
fuck that squirrel.
Looking though the lens of personal or property damage, I'd go: 10. Bear; 9. Deer; 8. Raccoon; 7. Skunk; 6. Fox; 5. Chipmunk; 4. Squirrel; 3. Rabbit; 2. Hedgehog; 1. Owl
Quote by a forest ranger at Yosemite National Park on why it is hard to design the perfect garbage bin to keep bears from breaking into it: “There is considerable overlap between the intelligence of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists.”
If I had my way, deer would be last. Stupid rats with hooves. Ask my corgi how she likes them, you'd get a 2 hour lecture on their uselessness, if my corgi could talk
The one time a deer got in our backyard (before it was fenced, and Holly was on a 30' leash on a stake), she chased it so hard she bent the stake, which was supposedly for a much larger dog.
I think it is established canon of this newsletter that your dog is a furry Terminator
but like, a slow and ineffective one. she's got one lifetime kill and I still don't know what the hell that bird did to end up that way
He knew what he did
I'm with you on this - but in this house, it's my wife (5 foot nothing of midwest nice) who will literally run out of the house to chase them out of our yard. If she thought she could get away with bow hunting them, she would be up on the roof... waiting.
In a ghillie suit.
It's not the craziest idea ever. The DC burbs are especially suited to deer, and counties in both VA and MD have to have periodic culls. We could take some of the load off the county's shoulders.
I'm late to the party, but no one has mentioned the bobcat. Near-mythical rarity, cute tufted ears, silent AND deadly.
Seems like wolves got omitted purely for their tendency to eat most of the rest of the top 10.
Yeah, in the pantheon of "woodland creatures likely to end up on a child's curtains", wolves always get edged out by foxes. But the wolves won't forget it.
Finally, someone has the stones to come out and say it.
This season of Bake Off just isn’t hitting the mark.
It's just... something's not working. I don't like the hosts as much (I still miss Sue and Mel), but the challenges are getting weirder, too.
It’s Matt and too many dick jokes.
I love Noel Fielding and I’ve gotten used to Prue, but Japan and 80s week feel like too many stretches, and too much forced uncomfortable bits from Matt with the bakers.
Yeah. I'm really not a fan of Matt.
Raccoons are number one if you like rabies and literal brain worms from their poop.
Mark, you follow me on twitter. You know I have brain worms.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baylisascaris_procyonis
It's always about Baylisascaris procyonis with you, isn't it.
Has been since 2011, baby.
The clear speciesism displayed here against loveable birds and their place amongst woodland creatures shall not be forgotten.
And yes, I googled speciesism, it’s a real thing.......I think