Let us not forget “WHAAARRRUUTHEFUCKISHAPPENING?!?!” when the smoke detector decided to sing the song of its people at 2 in the morning on a school night
You'll get a dozen kid-swearing stories, but here's mine: two soccer teams, little kids, waiting around on the field while the ref checks every single child's ID to ensure that they are all in fact 7-year-olds, not 8-year-olds. Time passes. Finally the ref signals to start. The kids stream down the field to take their positions, with my son shouting loudly back over his shoulder, "ABOUT FRIGGING TIME". I shrank inside, then peered carefully sideways at the other parents. Not a scowl to be seen. Au contraire, they they were all nodding vigorously.
Because of my superior intelligence the F word is pretty prominent for me. I live alone, with a cat and sometimes a dog, so they've heard every iteration. The very loud, capitalized but brief version most commonly, covers nearly every household and personal issue. Then there's the long, draw-out one for, example, when I drop and break a dish in the sink and all the other dishes fall on top of it and I know I will be bleeding at some point later. And of course, the very long, drawn-out FOCK which mixes sarcasm and reality, usually reserved for when I've overdrawn my checking account by like three items I forgot I bought online when I was drinking.
Feb 28, 2022·edited Feb 28, 2022Liked by Scott Hines
very sad that vocalized belches weren't included. My dad was famous for his "Yaaaart". If he's anything like me, it's a sign that dinnertime is soon, but not soon enough.
I can proudly say that I've replaced 8b with the knowing, dejected sigh that says "I *just* told you to pay attention when grabbing for your cup, did you really care enough about that commercial for eczema cream that you had to focus your eyes on that instead?"
Exaggerated pause when a child is still up 90 minutes after bed time on a school night
Version with barely suppressed rag- literally being asked to do anything with a battery and a toy
Yelling: when you just wanted to go to the bathroom for five minutes of peace (and to read the latest ACBN) only to hear a crash followed by a combination of yelling and crying.
Scott, you forgot the king of Dad Sounds; the sneeze that is forceful enough to move the chair you're sitting in backwards six inches and wake up the neighbor's cat.
My toddler daughter makes a very exaggerated sigh sound every time she sits down on the floor and I take it extremely personally
Let us not forget “WHAAARRRUUTHEFUCKISHAPPENING?!?!” when the smoke detector decided to sing the song of its people at 2 in the morning on a school night
this proves that dads are just Tim "The Toolman" Taylor, only without the coke arrest and snitching
Think that should be mom looks in no particular order
Glare
Exasperated
Comforting
I told you
Really
Don’t even think about it
What part of No do you not understand
Who brought this dog into my life (good or bad look depending on what the dog just did)
I’m not eating that
Okay I’ll try to eat that
All of you please go outside
You'll get a dozen kid-swearing stories, but here's mine: two soccer teams, little kids, waiting around on the field while the ref checks every single child's ID to ensure that they are all in fact 7-year-olds, not 8-year-olds. Time passes. Finally the ref signals to start. The kids stream down the field to take their positions, with my son shouting loudly back over his shoulder, "ABOUT FRIGGING TIME". I shrank inside, then peered carefully sideways at the other parents. Not a scowl to be seen. Au contraire, they they were all nodding vigorously.
BRB, checking my home for Action Cookbook-monitored listening devices.
"5.) Whistling or humming a sound that has been stuck in your head for 30 years"
I'm not a dad but this is the Hogan's Heroes theme song for me.
"HNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-CHOOOOOOO" sneeze first thing in the morning that wakes up everyone in the whole house and a few neighbors
Seen, I feel.
Because of my superior intelligence the F word is pretty prominent for me. I live alone, with a cat and sometimes a dog, so they've heard every iteration. The very loud, capitalized but brief version most commonly, covers nearly every household and personal issue. Then there's the long, draw-out one for, example, when I drop and break a dish in the sink and all the other dishes fall on top of it and I know I will be bleeding at some point later. And of course, the very long, drawn-out FOCK which mixes sarcasm and reality, usually reserved for when I've overdrawn my checking account by like three items I forgot I bought online when I was drinking.
very sad that vocalized belches weren't included. My dad was famous for his "Yaaaart". If he's anything like me, it's a sign that dinnertime is soon, but not soon enough.
I can proudly say that I've replaced 8b with the knowing, dejected sigh that says "I *just* told you to pay attention when grabbing for your cup, did you really care enough about that commercial for eczema cream that you had to focus your eyes on that instead?"
May I suggest "What....Now?"
Exaggerated pause when a child is still up 90 minutes after bed time on a school night
Version with barely suppressed rag- literally being asked to do anything with a battery and a toy
Yelling: when you just wanted to go to the bathroom for five minutes of peace (and to read the latest ACBN) only to hear a crash followed by a combination of yelling and crying.
Scott, you forgot the king of Dad Sounds; the sneeze that is forceful enough to move the chair you're sitting in backwards six inches and wake up the neighbor's cat.
As a dad and as a teacher, there is frequent crossover in this:
I will now add a couple of additional non-verbal notions:
1). The pinch of the bridge of the nose, especially under the glasses as needed, when there is jackassery afoot.
2). The blink, eye roll, head tilt of disgust. (think the RDJ Iron Man gif)
Also, honorable mentions to "SERIOUSLY?!?!?!", and a low guttural noise from the back of the throat that expresses both disgust and frustration.
The joints cracking is always unnerving and shockingly loud. My ankles sound like cement mixers.
Gotta include an asterisk for the burp where you finish like a flat tire imo.
BURRRAGHHHH-pssssssssssssssss