36 Comments

I'm assembling a team of Staffordshire bull terriers because subtlety is for cowards and I am not very bright.

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Go Birds.

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A staffy would rat you out to the authorities for a good scritch.

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Staffy adoptee here, can confirm this is true. He is my best friend until the moment my wife gives him scritches. Then he's putty in her arms and I'm invisible to him.

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Yeah, I think in the Ocean's analogy the Staffy is the hired muscle working for our target who's secretly on our side.

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So, a "Fast and Furious" movie with dogs? Got it.

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All of them are Vin Diesel in this case.

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MASTERMIND: Collie. Elegant, smart, calm, helpful. I mean look at Lassie for cryin' out loud!

FACE: Goldendoodle. No one can't stop and stare and want to pet those curls.

INSIDE MAN: Pug. Self-explanatory.

SUBJECT MATTER EXPERT: The Queen's Corgis obviously know where she keeps the *real* jewels.

CON MAN: Labrador Retriever. Anyone who's owned one knows they've pulled the ultimate con.

EXPLOSIVES: Bulldog. Self-explanatory. Again.

MULTITASKERS: You nailed this one. A pair of Dachshunds.

TECHNOLOGIST: Chihuahua. With glasses. Obv, voiced by Ving Rhames.

ACROBAT: Greyhound. Idk, just feels right.

WILD CARD: Great Dane. Those tails are vicious.

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Oh, using Corgis to steal the Crown Jewels is a solid plan.

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As someone who's mother used to raise and show Basenjis, I think they could pull the heist by themselves and do their laugh at the cops as they scampered away.

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Hmmmm .... you found a picture of a corgi taken by a photographer named Holly. Very fishy.

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Weirdly, that did not even click for me.

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Corgis are the perfect heist leaders because just this morning Norah made my daughter move her high chair out of the way so she could hoover up some left over breakfast eggs.

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This sounds right.

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Samoyeds are such a good choice for the face of a heist team! They were bred to have that perma-smile facial expression so drool wouldn’t freeze on their lips and chin, and to be extra cuddly so that their owners could use them as living blankets. Who wouldn’t be charmed by a snuggly, always-smiling dog?

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You know who is charmed? Museum security.

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I was prepared to rebut one of your choices in favor of a dachshund, but you nailed it. Having owned two minis (simultaneously), they are indeed a force majeure. Unless there's food involved, in which case we're pushing up against Eldritch Horror Old Gods. Lovable, snuggly, slightly dim monsters who will take your arm off for a piece of cheese.

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When we lived in New York, there was a guy who lived near us who would walk his three dachshunds off-leash late at night. Seeing three dachshunds round a corner before their person appears is a surprisingly intimidating sight.

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The response goes something like "aww, how cuuuteOH GODS NOOOOO...."

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The crew needs some muscle- may I suggest a rottweiler? A big strong loveable galoot.

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These are all correct but I think boxer is most correct

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The boxer was already planning to blow up a museum, so planning a heist around it is just sensible.

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This is delightful, Scott. Just what I needed this morning

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You're trolling me here, Scott. Of *course* the Pem is in charge. But you forgot to mention two key characteristics: 1) They don't give a fig what anyone thinks. 2) They have the ultimate weapon: the corgi 1000-yard stare, which could knock out Jack Reacher. I'd watch this movie.

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You're absolutely right. That corgi stare is *withering*.

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WHEN DOES DOG HEIST MOVIE DEBUT AND DOES CONCESSION STAND HAVE DOG BISCUITS? ALSO MAY NEED BOOSTER SEAT IN THEATER. THANKS.

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Trying to figure out where to put a beagle in this scenario and mostly he's just in it for the love of crime.

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Trying to find a role for my favorite breed (Cavalier King Charles Spaniels) and utterly failing as they are lazy cuddle monsters who are very low on the deviant scale (in general) compared to other breeds

They ain't cops, either, though. Maybe the love interest of the mastermind. Can definitely see a Cavalier as Julia Roberts

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I saw a puppy Cavalier on the subway Saturday, and it licked my hand. A+ experience, and yeah, it could be an Ocean's 12 Tess type role. Beautiful distraction.

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I’m trying to figure out where my mini schnauzers would be as part of the heist because they are constantly ganging up on me. One distracts while the other tries to steal my food. After multiple losses, I’ve finally caught onto their scam.

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I feel like I'd add in an Australian Cattle Dog, maybe as unassuming muscle, or recon. A 30lb dog unafraid to headbutt and trash-talk a steer OR climb up on the roof of the house (as my friend's did whenever backs were turned for more than 12 seconds) could be valuable. However, they're also cattle dogs, so maybe too Wild Card-y for a delicate operation. Possibly would give the baseball card back to the museum in exchange for an early dinner, or eat the card precisely because they aren't supposed to, and maintain eye contact the whole time.

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I've had two cattle dogs.

Our first cattle dog would be the leader. Smart, organized, not afraid to keep everyone in line. Humans, dogs, random animals in our yard? They were no match for his drill-instructor like leadership skills. We were also pretty such he was mixed with German Shepherd so there's that too.

Our second would be a wild card. Acrobat? He's got the agility to make it work. Explosives? He's like a four-legged pinball. Give him two minutes inside the musuem and that place would be leveled.

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The dogs break in only to find a group of cats stole it hours ago and set them up to be arrested

The squirrels were in on it too

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