I saw a TikTok last week where a child breaks a coffee mug and the dad essentially says "that was my favorite mug! I had a lot of good memories with that mug. But it's ok, i love you more than any mug and I know it was an accident!" and I guess I just think that that is a microcosm of parenting as a whole. Patience. Slow to anger. Clear communication. Understanding. Grace. All things I need to be much better at.
Having our first at the tail end of 2019, I'd say the worst was any variation of "let 'em get sick to build up their immune system". A thing or two happened shortly thereafter.
My stepdad said that when he was in a parenting class ~40 years ago the teacher said "one way or the other, they're always potty trained by the time they get to college." It's a helpful reminder that while the day to day stuff can seem astronomically important, as long as the basics are taken care of you'll be in good shape
1. I wish you’d written this in approximately may 2020 when I was certain that newborn parenting would simply cause me to die in my sleep from the tremendous pressure I was putting on myself, because nobody told me “it’s gonna be okay” and I desperately needed that. and guess what? it’s mostly been okay!
2. the best actual advice anyone gave me was “nobody knows what they’re doing the first time around and if they tell you otherwise they’re lying. I think it was in a DM from Brian Floyd actually
I was told once- "You're gonna be fine! People WAY dumber than you have raised children! Well, maybe not WAY dumber than YOU..."
But in all seriousness:
Make sure to take/give some time for yourself/to your partner. Even if it's just an hour nap, or a bucket of golf balls at the range, or a cup of tea and a book in the shade- whatever. Remember that even though you're in charge of this tiny human, you're still a human as well and your needs, though secondary for the time being, are still valid. It's amazing how much everyone's mood improves when they can do something for themselves, even for a little bit.
Oh, and don't be afraid to use too many wipes. They make them every day- don't be chintzy.
It's cliche, but the phrase "long days, short years" really helped me with the hard newborn times. It feels like it's going to kill you then all the sudden they're so big
I just remembered something. Wubbanub pacifiers are life savers. You will never lose a pacifier again. Regular pacifiers have the tendency to disappear into an alternate dimension, especially in the middle of the night. But if a Wubbanub pops out of the babies mouth, it just sits there on their chest and the baby can find it and put it back. I always suggest them for baby shower gifts or gifts for new parents.
Keep a radio with a decent AM tuner in the baby’s room. That way you can pick up the wacky overnight broadcasts from around the country during the late night/way too early feedings.
While I can't recall any specific parenting advice that was world-changing, I can recall a few tips that proved helpful.
* "If you wait until you're ready to have kids, you'll never have kids." I am a planner, budgeter, and we were grinding away at some old debts to lessen the impact a new child might incur. As it turned out, we found out our first was on the way the same month we paid off wifey's car.
* Draw up your birth plan, and provide it to the hospital staff right away. MiL was adamant that she should be in the delivery room (as she was for SiL's 4) and we wanted that to be just our shared experience. The staff did well to keep her in the waiting room, but she snuck in as another family was leaving the delivery area, tried to enter our room, and my wife uttered a guttural "Get.....Out...." mid-push that made me wonder if we needed to call for an exorcist. The whole time, attendants were trying to usher MiL out in accordance to our plans, but wifey's words did the trick.
Get a good quality, comfortable chair for feedings. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you need a fancy nursey chair/glider. Get something that is comfortable for both of you, but you can use as a regular chair once you no longer are bottle feeding the baby. The rocker we used for both of our kids is currently my favorite chair in the living room and matches the decor. Most "nursery chairs" are going to be eyesores that you'll want to get rid of in about two years, so don't waste your money.
I saw a TikTok last week where a child breaks a coffee mug and the dad essentially says "that was my favorite mug! I had a lot of good memories with that mug. But it's ok, i love you more than any mug and I know it was an accident!" and I guess I just think that that is a microcosm of parenting as a whole. Patience. Slow to anger. Clear communication. Understanding. Grace. All things I need to be much better at.
Having our first at the tail end of 2019, I'd say the worst was any variation of "let 'em get sick to build up their immune system". A thing or two happened shortly thereafter.
My stepdad said that when he was in a parenting class ~40 years ago the teacher said "one way or the other, they're always potty trained by the time they get to college." It's a helpful reminder that while the day to day stuff can seem astronomically important, as long as the basics are taken care of you'll be in good shape
1. I wish you’d written this in approximately may 2020 when I was certain that newborn parenting would simply cause me to die in my sleep from the tremendous pressure I was putting on myself, because nobody told me “it’s gonna be okay” and I desperately needed that. and guess what? it’s mostly been okay!
2. the best actual advice anyone gave me was “nobody knows what they’re doing the first time around and if they tell you otherwise they’re lying. I think it was in a DM from Brian Floyd actually
That was not a passenger. That was angel from heaven and I will not be told otherwise
I was told once- "You're gonna be fine! People WAY dumber than you have raised children! Well, maybe not WAY dumber than YOU..."
But in all seriousness:
Make sure to take/give some time for yourself/to your partner. Even if it's just an hour nap, or a bucket of golf balls at the range, or a cup of tea and a book in the shade- whatever. Remember that even though you're in charge of this tiny human, you're still a human as well and your needs, though secondary for the time being, are still valid. It's amazing how much everyone's mood improves when they can do something for themselves, even for a little bit.
Oh, and don't be afraid to use too many wipes. They make them every day- don't be chintzy.
Will report back in 3 months on best piece of advice I received. Maybe 9 months to see actual results.
“It’s okay if it doesn’t come naturally. Showing up every day as best you canis the most important part. Everything else will follow”
It's cliche, but the phrase "long days, short years" really helped me with the hard newborn times. It feels like it's going to kill you then all the sudden they're so big
This made me tear up Scott! Sometimes (sometimes...) parents can be so kind to one another. I'm glad you experienced that.
I just remembered something. Wubbanub pacifiers are life savers. You will never lose a pacifier again. Regular pacifiers have the tendency to disappear into an alternate dimension, especially in the middle of the night. But if a Wubbanub pops out of the babies mouth, it just sits there on their chest and the baby can find it and put it back. I always suggest them for baby shower gifts or gifts for new parents.
Keep a radio with a decent AM tuner in the baby’s room. That way you can pick up the wacky overnight broadcasts from around the country during the late night/way too early feedings.
While I can't recall any specific parenting advice that was world-changing, I can recall a few tips that proved helpful.
* "If you wait until you're ready to have kids, you'll never have kids." I am a planner, budgeter, and we were grinding away at some old debts to lessen the impact a new child might incur. As it turned out, we found out our first was on the way the same month we paid off wifey's car.
* Draw up your birth plan, and provide it to the hospital staff right away. MiL was adamant that she should be in the delivery room (as she was for SiL's 4) and we wanted that to be just our shared experience. The staff did well to keep her in the waiting room, but she snuck in as another family was leaving the delivery area, tried to enter our room, and my wife uttered a guttural "Get.....Out...." mid-push that made me wonder if we needed to call for an exorcist. The whole time, attendants were trying to usher MiL out in accordance to our plans, but wifey's words did the trick.
Our OB gave us two pieces of medical advice that always made me feel better:
1) babies don’t have enough mass to break bones for the first couple of years
2) a dinner plate sized pool of blood is only one ounce
Whatever happens, they’re probably going to be fine and the scariest thing will be your reaction.
She also told us not to let the kids have ketchup; we broke that rule and now have to scold kids who eat it straight off their fingers…
Get a good quality, comfortable chair for feedings. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you need a fancy nursey chair/glider. Get something that is comfortable for both of you, but you can use as a regular chair once you no longer are bottle feeding the baby. The rocker we used for both of our kids is currently my favorite chair in the living room and matches the decor. Most "nursery chairs" are going to be eyesores that you'll want to get rid of in about two years, so don't waste your money.
The best advice I got was to ignore all advice. The person said it a bit tongue in cheek but there is a lot of truth to it, too.