38 Comments
Mar 28, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

The Childless Friend Who is Trying to Help But is Clearly Baffled

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author

oh damn that is a glaring omission, you're right

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Mar 28, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

And the sub category, The Childless Friend who the the parents and kids love, BUT decides to bring the Significant Other who is an "Expert" (and is also childless), thus endangering the Childless Friend's friendship with the parents

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I love this: "The invitation did say noon to 2pm, right? It’s 1:40 already and the kids are still playing pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey..." I think I'm The Hider 😃

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founding
Mar 28, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

Hider here but I've got an angle which is to run the grill whenever possible which makes it seem like I'm helping but really I'm just avoiding everything

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author

There's a reason our kids' birthday parties are usually backyard BBQs.

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oh, no. Hiders don't like the pressure of cooking the food well. And you know all the dads are gonna try to hang out around the fire and tell you about this neat recipe they found on some newsletter about dogs and bad chili.

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I had that happen this weekend during a birthday lunch sans the newsletter about dogs and bad chili, but with extra food poisoning and undercooked bacon.

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oh, yay. I guess that's one way to tell everyone you don't want a birfday party.

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I wouldn't have thought myself a Hider, until this comment. I would have considered myself a "specialized Helper of open flames."

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The point where I realized that I was a "Helper, in order to disguise my extremely strong Hider tendencies" made attending parties much more straight forward.

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Mar 28, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

LIFEHACK: marry a helper

The only downside is that she’s been a bridesmaid close to 20 times, and that’s been expensive.

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I believe it was Mr. Rogers who said 'At a child's birthday, look for the helpers.'

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Mar 28, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

Can one be the draftee even when I am aware of the upcoming party but do nothing to prepare for it? My gift will not be from the liquor store but will be one of the many I bulk buy at Christmas when I am sure that I have failed to buy my children the appropriate number of gifts, and then, just before Christmas Eve, begin pulling out a multitude of gifts that have been hiding in my closet and about which I completely forgot. These excess gifts will be my birthday party gifts for the next 12 months. I will also likely get the time wrong (especially if you do something weird like a noon start), will not have filled out the trampoline park's waiver prior to arrival and there is no way I remembered those special socks. And, I brought the sibling because I did not read host's note and assumed that all kids are welcome. See y'all Saturday.

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Mar 28, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

oh man, this one hits home. I generally defer to my bride on all matters of social engagement, but her uncanny talent to procrastinate and otherwise mismanage time leads us to the perpetual scramble to target on the way to the park, sign the card in the car, and hastily package things up before we debark. Thankfully, kids don't care about any of that, they just want something fun to unwrap.

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Mar 28, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

So nice to see introverts (Hiders) recognized in a piece like this. Usually we're completely ignored (which is how we like it in real life).

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Perfect timing - my soon to be 7yo daughter is hosting an Übernachtung bday party this Saturday. CANTWAIT.gif

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founding
Mar 28, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

You were the Draftee this past weekend, weren't you

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author

You wanna know my secret? I’m always the Draftee.

(And the Hider.)

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Mar 28, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

Did you get cake? It wasn't something gross like coconut right?

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I'm feeling self-conscious about being a helper now. Last summer I served as a second lifeguard with host dad at a lake swim party in a local neighborhood my son was invited to. I brought a swimsuit and a towel for myself just in case I was called into action. I also love to cut and serve the cake. This is making me feel like I'm a weirdo now. Anyway, I just can't handle standing around.

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Embrace it. It's like having one of those rare blood types that's really in-demand.

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I have been very fortunate that my wife allows me to do a series of errands for the family in lieu of birthday party participation, and honestly, it has worked out much better for our family.

They are real, actual errands and not just snipe hunts....I think.

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Just make sure you get the skyhooks for the decorations.

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Mar 28, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

Weird how these are also relatable to Work Parties.

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....if only we got paid to interact with other kid parents.

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fair enough!

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We didn't attend a child's party this weekend but an adult one with our child. My daughter's response to the party was telling her Opa (who she sees maybe 3 times a year (emotional baggage)) that "me no like you birthday party. No balloons, no cake, me no like." I couldn't blame her either because I saw the receipt for our overly priced run of the meal seafood lunch at the Opa's favorite restaurant and I too wanted to say, "me definitely no like."

Have balloons, have a cake.

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I certainly hope you jammed a few candles in Opa's slab o' fish.

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No, we made a Target stop beforehand, I guess as a "Draftee" because Opa is a p.i.t.a. and my wife didnt want to listen to him complain about us showing up with no gift. So our daughter got a cookie from a pack we purchased for later treats for her. She has a peanut allergy and Target's Everyday Bakery makes sugar cookies (similar to Lofthouse) that are made in a peanut and tree nut free facility.

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Mar 28, 2022·edited Mar 28, 2022

I usually end up being the volunteered helper because I'm useful for grunt labor.

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Children's birthday parties are back...

[John Waters doing a Vincent Price thing at the end of Lonely Island's "The Creep" voice]

...For now

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Oh, I am definitely the Hider. I just hang out with my kids the whole time because I like them way more than some rando. As my social anxiety has waned with age I'm starting to think I didn't miss out on all that much.

Youngest's 7yo b-day party is at the trampoline park in two weeks because they gave us a card with a discount on it when another kid had their b-day party there a few weeks ago.

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