44 Comments
Jan 17, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

Oh, Olaf did it, but Holly planted the idea in his head to sow chaos as revenge.

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This is exactly the right answer!

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As Olaf's attorney, let me begin by asking if you had read and clearly stated the defendant's rights before beginning your line of questioning? Have you considered you may have eaten it yourself and forgotten? You're not getting any younger Scott. And don't you have two children who are certainly big enough to reach the counter? Have you considered strong winds from winter storms or suburban wildlife? This is a sham of a trial and I will not stand idly by while you throw my client in the clink on nothing more than a hun-[stops to wipe food and foil off of Olaf's face and notices it is somehow on his back and belly too, leaving tracks of the food throughout the house]...uh, hun-wher-where was I? Oh yes, A HUNCH!!!

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Jan 17, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

I, like others, dearly missed Holly's commentary from the EDSBS days. This is a nice hit of nostalgia.

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author

every once in a while you gotta surprise 'em with a hit song from your previous band

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Jan 17, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

Ah, the triumphant return of Holly dropping sick burns.

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Jan 17, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

That photo of Olaf is *chef’s kiss* although I’m a little embarrassed that one minute I was thinking my trainer recommendation was going well and the next that lovable idiot had stolen your food.*

* allegedly

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author

He had done well at training yesterday morning, and then blew it in the evening! It's a work in progress.

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Jan 17, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

I think it takes a long time for rescues to realize they’re going to get food every. single. day. Kinda hard to blame them.

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author

Yeah, I'd almost forgotten, with Holly being a silver-spoon purebred puppy.

Olaf's behavior reminds me a lot of our family dog growing up, Shadow--like him, she was a rescue who'd been abandoned, adopted, sheltered again and finally re-adopted. One time we opened the living room sofa bed and found that she'd squirreled away several bowls worth' of dry dog food inside the crevices of the couch. Poor girl was keeping a backup plan.

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that and humans need training, too. We learned this lesson while fostering a rescue, a piece of fried chicken on a TV tray wasn't even a challenge for them. Mid-pace, just look left and grab a chunk of tasty trouble on a stick. All I needed was a napkin, Reese!

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I would postulate that 80% of “dog training” is actually “people training” (based on the number of times I have been corrected by a trainer)

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Mom's dog which I inherited is a rescue bichon/poodle and he has a hard time waiting for food and having enough food. And I have to watch him on walks as he will try to eat stuff ... which leads to upset stomach. Smart adorable little goofball and I'm not even a pet person

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Jan 18, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

...is it bad that after chuckling at the floppy tongue, the first thing I noticed was the West Elm throw? (Kudos, Scott, gram-gram loves hers!)

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author

if you know, you know

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founding
Jan 17, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

Sounds to me like Holly did it

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Jan 17, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

Holly is clearly using Olaf as a cover. She probably has the kids in on it too.

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author

Holly is Keyser Soze

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Jan 17, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

Corgi Soze

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Jan 17, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

GODDAMMIT OLAF.

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He was framed, the door moved, the drywall jumped in front of him, the headphones ... what headphones?!?

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Jan 17, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

HEADPHONES TOO DELICIOUS TO RESIST

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author

that one's not a joke. he did chew up a pair of headphones the other day. they were my headphones, but I'd let my daughter use them for her tablet after she destroyed her pair. like the old hollywood saying, never work with animals or children

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So Walk the Moon lied to us?

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Jan 19, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

Last night, our border collie/beagle mix grabbed a bag of 2 leftover venison steaks out of the sink and ate them in a minute flat. Or did she?

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Jan 17, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

The “I cannot abide his buffoonery” line makes me think of Tommy Lee Jones saying something similar to Jim CarRey on there set of Batman Forever.

Honestly those personalities really line up with Holly and Olaf pretty damn well.

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author

Oh, that was 100% the reference I was making, I just botched the quote. It was “I cannot sanction your buffoonery”

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Jan 17, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

My brother has a beagle mix rescue, and I’m pretty sure Olaf and Bowie are somehow related.

They must never meet.

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Jan 17, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

I always loved Dave Barry. That is an unkind smear on both of you and she needs to be in timeout. On a brighter note, my roommate and I once made a killer Thanksgiving dinner, but then we ate some very potent edibles and went bye-bye. Soon afterward I heard a crash and there was his dog Barkley devouring our turkey. My own dog at the time pulled off a similar feat with a prime rib roast I had just put on the counter while I went to the bathroom.

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author

(to be clear, I am also a big Dave Barry fan)

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Jan 17, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

Thanks for a much-needed laugh. Wonderful!

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Jan 17, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

Not the grand New Yorker style of your reindeer interviews. Understandable, because the deer were more cooperative than Olaf and less imperious than Holly.

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Jan 17, 2022Liked by Scott Hines

Nice to see Holly.

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"I’ve actually thought about that a lot and I think it would be super fun."

Same.

Also, please change this to the NOONSWEATER immediately.

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founding

Holly definitely pronounces it "Cha-rahd."

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