Hey, tea is an easy to brew, no fuss, pick-your-caffeine preference journey that shouldn't be pushed lightly aside. I just brewed myself a cup of this gorgeous lavender vanilla crème Earl Grey tea with a heavy oatmilk pour... *gets yoinked off stage*
First off, it’s Dunks. Second it’s an lahge iced regulah, khed. And D) what the hell else am I supposed to drink when I’m scrapin’ the ice off the street for my space savah out heyah in Dorchestah?
This played a few days ago on the way to my sons hockey game. He asked me once the song was over “why does that man scream so much?” Rather than attempt to explain the 80’s and 90’s Boston music scene to an 8 year old I went with a simple “that’s how the song goes”
The only real question are you full on deranged like that couple from the McMillions documentary and have 10-12 packets of sweetener or just 6-8. I feel like it's the difference between whether you violate only state or also federal law in your uncle's "business"....
Also the Brewed at Home (Elaborate) is a past phase of mine. I’ve caught myself multiple times mentioning how convenient it would be to just have a regular drip coffee pot as I mess with our stupid pour over. We’ve got several different ways to make coffee and I chose the most inconvenient for making a full pot.
Dec 20, 2021·edited Dec 20, 2021Liked by Scott Hines
You know this is a good horoscope because I feel seen in various ways by like half of the categories.
I generally don't drink gas station coffee, but as a Pennsylvanian who is perpetually late I will still always stan Sheetz.
As I've previously mentioned in the comments here, Obnoxiously Pitt BF and I have eight different methods with which to make coffee and none of them plug into the wall. I'd like to think that at least I am not Home (Elaborate) because 99% of the time I drink the cold brew I make by the gallon, but I know for a fact we are collectively that.
I recently tracked my spending to see how much went to Dunkin' since I have fully returned to my office. Needless to say I was descaling my home coffee machine that night.
Scott have you been snooping in the folder labeled "Operation Righteous Cowboy Lightening" in my iCloud?
"You have mapped out an elaborate scheme to fake your own death and live off the insurance money in the tropics, but you probably won’t go through with it.
I'm not Scott, but I think that means you're in the process of running a ponzi scheme. It's deranged, but not kill someone and get away with it deranged.
Clearly, the next step in this analysis is the love match zodiac analysis, right? Like, a deep examination of how well Local Chain and Diet Coke would function as a couple.
I am local chain, but my beloved is Coke Zero - he is adamantly opposed to the idea of Diet Coke and has expansive thoughts on it, including drinking water if the only offering is DC. I wonder what that says about us.
Meanwhile, time to walk next door for my afternoon pick me up at the local chain where I've struck up surface-level acquaintanceships with the 20 year old girls behind the counter. (Who are all precious and amazing and I will shank anyone who's rude to them.)
When I have my life together I'm drinking loose leaf tea brewed in a ceramic pot I've had for many years. When I don't, it's red bull. I can count on one hand the number of tea days since my daughter was born
I often find myself seeking the "last mile" coffee at the Sheetz in the Homewood / Dillsburg DMZ (en route back to the DC burbs from either the Upper Valley in eastern VT or Poughkeepsie), and there always seems to be some debacle going on there.
What about k-cups? I feel like k-cups are for the harassed parents of screaming newborn children. Somehow the time it takes a keurig to spit out a cup of coffee is exactly the amount of time needed to mix the baby’s formula. And coffee only needed up in the bottle once-ish…
In this reading of the scenario, I would place K-cups halfway between “at home (simple)” and “office”; you have it together enough to know the limitations of how much you have it together, and that is a victory of self-assessment.
Sir, I would never live off my fraudulent insurance proceeds in the tropics, and I demand you retract the allegation.
That's the first place they'd look.
Signed, M. LeBlanx of the Yukon.
Don't lie, I know you've already started learning Bislama, for reasons.
bae mi go long Santo
Hey, tea is an easy to brew, no fuss, pick-your-caffeine preference journey that shouldn't be pushed lightly aside. I just brewed myself a cup of this gorgeous lavender vanilla crème Earl Grey tea with a heavy oatmilk pour... *gets yoinked off stage*
Olaf is absolutely downing a 10 pack of redbull on his drive to the chaos store, where he is district manager.
Let's be clear about the fact that this means he's eating the aluminum cans whole
I felt that went without saying.
First off, it’s Dunks. Second it’s an lahge iced regulah, khed. And D) what the hell else am I supposed to drink when I’m scrapin’ the ice off the street for my space savah out heyah in Dorchestah?
[opening notes of “I’m Shipping Up To Boston” play]
This played a few days ago on the way to my sons hockey game. He asked me once the song was over “why does that man scream so much?” Rather than attempt to explain the 80’s and 90’s Boston music scene to an 8 year old I went with a simple “that’s how the song goes”
The only real question are you full on deranged like that couple from the McMillions documentary and have 10-12 packets of sweetener or just 6-8. I feel like it's the difference between whether you violate only state or also federal law in your uncle's "business"....
If it doesn’t taste like cake batter when the iced coffee is served, you obviously went to *that* Dunks that fucks up everybody’s order.
Also, can we get a moment of silence in honor of the styrofoam cups that acted as insulation for the iced coffee cups on hot and cold days?
I had an old boss call that light and sweet coffee. Basically condensed milk with some coffee flavoring.
You could’ve added “wears cargo shorts year round” to the Dunks description
Cargo shorts or below the knee basketball shorts would be applicable in this scenario
"COWLD CAWFFEEE!"
The boycott and Subaru (A Forester, but still) mentions in the Moderately-Sized Local Chain section feels weirdly targeted.
Also the Brewed at Home (Elaborate) is a past phase of mine. I’ve caught myself multiple times mentioning how convenient it would be to just have a regular drip coffee pot as I mess with our stupid pour over. We’ve got several different ways to make coffee and I chose the most inconvenient for making a full pot.
You know this is a good horoscope because I feel seen in various ways by like half of the categories.
I generally don't drink gas station coffee, but as a Pennsylvanian who is perpetually late I will still always stan Sheetz.
As I've previously mentioned in the comments here, Obnoxiously Pitt BF and I have eight different methods with which to make coffee and none of them plug into the wall. I'd like to think that at least I am not Home (Elaborate) because 99% of the time I drink the cold brew I make by the gallon, but I know for a fact we are collectively that.
I think it’s probably obvious but at least half of these describe me haha
I recently tracked my spending to see how much went to Dunkin' since I have fully returned to my office. Needless to say I was descaling my home coffee machine that night.
Scott have you been snooping in the folder labeled "Operation Righteous Cowboy Lightening" in my iCloud?
"You have mapped out an elaborate scheme to fake your own death and live off the insurance money in the tropics, but you probably won’t go through with it.
It would work, though, and you know it."
But what if I get my tea from a gas station?
I'm not Scott, but I think that means you're in the process of running a ponzi scheme. It's deranged, but not kill someone and get away with it deranged.
I agree with this assessment.
Clearly, the next step in this analysis is the love match zodiac analysis, right? Like, a deep examination of how well Local Chain and Diet Coke would function as a couple.
I am local chain, but my beloved is Coke Zero - he is adamantly opposed to the idea of Diet Coke and has expansive thoughts on it, including drinking water if the only offering is DC. I wonder what that says about us.
Meanwhile, time to walk next door for my afternoon pick me up at the local chain where I've struck up surface-level acquaintanceships with the 20 year old girls behind the counter. (Who are all precious and amazing and I will shank anyone who's rude to them.)
(silently judging everyone while sipping a morning pre-workout from one of the twelve plastic shaker bottles I own)
When I have my life together I'm drinking loose leaf tea brewed in a ceramic pot I've had for many years. When I don't, it's red bull. I can count on one hand the number of tea days since my daughter was born
i feel like red bull has a very specific age range: 20 - 28.5
Energy drinks were a part of life in college. Now that I'm 30, they are BREAK GLASS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, by which I mean I plan to stay up past 10 PM
I'm clocking in at 33 with no signs of stopping other than these pesky spots on my liver
I think age happens faster when you drink energy drinks, so the age range is accurate, but a non-red bull 28.5 is a red bull 45 or so
As someone originally from PA, [6,000 word essay on various gas station coffees, including which one is The Good Sheetz, deleted by moderator]
Also, that Red Bull felt so targeted that I need to lie down.
I’m going to finish that book someday, goddamnit.
I often find myself seeking the "last mile" coffee at the Sheetz in the Homewood / Dillsburg DMZ (en route back to the DC burbs from either the Upper Valley in eastern VT or Poughkeepsie), and there always seems to be some debacle going on there.
There should've been a Bucee's caveat
Bucee's Caveat should be a chess strategy that looks promising at first but is ultimately doomed
What about k-cups? I feel like k-cups are for the harassed parents of screaming newborn children. Somehow the time it takes a keurig to spit out a cup of coffee is exactly the amount of time needed to mix the baby’s formula. And coffee only needed up in the bottle once-ish…
In this reading of the scenario, I would place K-cups halfway between “at home (simple)” and “office”; you have it together enough to know the limitations of how much you have it together, and that is a victory of self-assessment.
ACB, is the Red Bull section a zodiac, or a confession?
[Also, where's the "Ice Water - all of the above may be psychopaths, but you're a sociopath" section?]
everything I write is a confession to some degree
…so you’re doing genetic experimentation on reindeer using bioluminescence, is what I’m hearing
Fucking brilliant. I know at least one of every variant. I like to get my coffee in before I leave the house.