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Two important notes for context:

1. This was all inspired by me seeing Twizzlers used as a tasting note in an ostensibly-serious (positive!) review of an expensive bourbon last week

2. Gravel Switch, Rabbit Hash, Broad Bottom, Monkey’s Eyebrow and Big Beaver Lick are all real places in Kentucky.

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in re: point #2...I keep telling people that Pennsylvania and Kentucky should combine their forces

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Jan 27, 2023·edited Jan 27, 2023Author

I've been spending almost all of my non-Kentucky time in Pennsylvania lately and I could totally see it. It's the Commonwealth Connection.

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Point #2 is my favorite part, and I never doubted it at all.

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Jan 23, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

GAAP is not a laughing matter.

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yeah my NUTS are generally accepted

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Jan 23, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

"Ah Business" reminds me of this:

https://haha.business/

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Jan 23, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

Look, not all tasting notes are highfalutin. One of my prouder moment in college was assessing the aroma notes of different vanilla beans- the person from Very Large Vanilla Supplier That Has Since Been Acquired said no one had identified the specific note of the one bean. I took one whiff, said “oof, smells like Play-Doh”. I was the only one who identified it.

The important takeaway is that when it comes to sensory science, there’s no such thing as a dumb descriptor. If it tastes/smells like a thing, then it just does. (The follow up takeaway is that I’m very good and important at my job no matter what anyone says)

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author

Sir, I'm going to need you to roll up your sleeve.

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Jan 23, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

[sweats nervously] I’VE NEVER OWNED A TERCEL SCOTT

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Jan 23, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

In a wine tasting group I was once a part of, we had a friend who would provide a "gas station" tasting note (peach rings, Dr. Pepper, those hot dogs cooked on rollers) every time we met. Kept things from getting too full of themselves.

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Those people are a godsend in sensory groups.

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She was really good, too--as much as you wanted to argue with "banana Runts," you never could.

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Also, being a supertaster absolutely blows. I’m a supertaster for phenylthiocarbimide, which makes most green vegetables and certain hops in beers a complete nightmare.

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author

I understand. A large portion of the population are supertasters for a compound in Skyline Chili. It makes them think it tastes bad, and it's actually them that's the problem.

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I kind of want to hang out with Meredith?

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Also, you promised us something great in the Sunday tease and you did not disappoint.

"[All three laugh, for reasons that are unclear to the narrator]"

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Jan 23, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

What's going on:

[ ] It's annoying or not interesting

[✓] I'm in this post and I don't like it

[ ] I think it shouldn't be on Substack

[ ] It's spam

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author

Just tell us where the ocelot is, Derek.

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Jan 23, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

This was great. I came for the business jokes, but I'm gonna stay to hear Scott explain to his children why "Big Beaver Lick" is a funny name to adults as well as kids.

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Jan 23, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

not so long ago i had a wonderful time shitting on this bullshit at heaven hill...

Tasting guy: "first rule of bourbon - don't let anyone tell you how to drink your whiskey"

me: "hell yeah!" (slams all 5 pours in quick succession)

coworker: "those were for tasting with the chocolates"

me: "don't tell me how to drink my whiskey!" (gets left hanging trying to high five the tasting guy)

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[tim robinson on the ghost tour voice] you can't change the rules just 'cause you don't like how I'm doing it

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Jan 23, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

I was in Louisville for a wedding last spring and the bartender at my hotel 100% had a “would commit heinous acts for one (1) booze” vibe about him. We’d sampled several bourbons that are probably abundant in KY but virtually unheard of in VA and had a great rapport going, at which point he pulled a bottle from somewhere -- clearly not the rail or the shelf behind him-- and proceeded to pour us each a “single” that was no less than 3oz AND mysteriously wasn’t on the bill. I remember it being incredible bourbon but the name escaped me, though I’m not sure if it was because he never actually said OR that last 3oz made my brain forget how to work.

Ultimately what I’m saying is that this post may have been fictional, but I’d also believe it 100%.

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Great storytelling! Love Meredith. Reminds me vaguely of Velma. And the names of places. Only in KY!

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Jan 23, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

This is why I stick with cheap bourbon mixed with sugar sweetened coke-cola.

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The bourbon popularity/price explosion has been devastating to those of us who taste bourbon and get notes of bourbon.

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Why am I reminded of the whiskey-drinking competition scene in ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’? (This was absolutely brilliant, btw!)

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Jan 23, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

Laughed pretty hard at this. Esp the GAAP bit.

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You took me to a bourbon bar on the 4th (3rd? 5th?) of July. You are forever the best.

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I also want to note that [character holds up hand to silence someone] is one of my favorite story details when properly deployed.

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Jan 23, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

Very much appreciate the deftness of Meredith as the heroine, as most research supports women having generally more perceptive palates despite an abundance of Bourbon bros who believe they know everything (and have a podcast to prove it).

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I love this very very much.

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