"We temporarily rebrand, slap an anthropomorphic version of that niche foodstuff on a hat, and a small but significant subset of people will pay forty bucks for it without even thinking twice. We sell as much merch as we can until interest tails off, then ditch the name and start the cycle fresh. It’s not always food, either. It can be things of specific regional interest, or short-lived memes."
I thought we were friends, and you do me like THIS? Damn, that's cold.
[Also, I'm hoping the dad group chat makes some jokes about the "Subprime Mortgage Field" and etc. with the ChiSox]
Gotta say...I can easily see this being adapted into a great screenplay. You should get right on that (in between your full-time job, taking care of your kids, maintaining a consistent output for this newsletter, and writing your book).
I loved your interpretation of the minor league teams. Down here in Texas we've had the Flying Chanclas (normally The Missons) and the Chupacabras (normally The Express) with mascots made to look like anthropomorphic jalapenos and tacos. We actually have an event where kids get to chase "Henry" the puffy taco around the bases between innings.
Oh yeah. I love going with my in-laws to Missions/Chanclas games. It's great entertainment for out of town family and it's genuinely affordable, esp if you manage to land on a dollar dog night.
I have a Danville Dairy Daddies shirt without ever setting foot in that Virginia town. My wife says the mascot is concerning. I love the creativity and keeping something fun that is supposed to be fun.
We can go watch a Missions/Chanclas game on a weeknight and have a great time. Concessions are reasonable, parking is just fine. Our family can have a lot of fun without having to pay the $$$ of going to a Major League game.
I love the Minor League Baseball is still trying to keep the fun of sports alive.
Oh and I had to look up that Dairy logo. I see why your wife thinks that, haha!
Trying to explain what a mett is was brilliant. Also I make sure to get some hot metts from the various butcher shops at Findlay Market every time I'm in Cincy and those two things might be a coincidence.
The Sox, really. If you said the Pirates, there would be no suspension of belief needed. Because signing a 40 something no name all-star would be right in their wheelhouse, like when they signed to cricket players because of course cricket is like baseball. But the story would get predictable as by mid-season the Yankees would call and Garrett would get a bazillion dollars and the Pirates pocket lint and a couple development players. No not a bitter Pirates fan here at all.
MiLB is what baseball needs with its quirkiness and that is why MLB will strangle it, because though shall no fun playing professional baseball as it is written in the unwritten rules.
I'm not sure the White Sox are really a step up from independent minor league ball
The text thread with the friends has been laugh out loud funny every time you've done this. Danny is a gem
Calmly pondering throwing a completely cold-armed half-drunk legitimate-ball "first pitch" in a Northwestern tailgate lot.
Anyway, let's be frank, wouldn't you rather play for the Mettwursts than the New York Mets?
"We temporarily rebrand, slap an anthropomorphic version of that niche foodstuff on a hat, and a small but significant subset of people will pay forty bucks for it without even thinking twice. We sell as much merch as we can until interest tails off, then ditch the name and start the cycle fresh. It’s not always food, either. It can be things of specific regional interest, or short-lived memes."
I thought we were friends, and you do me like THIS? Damn, that's cold.
[Also, I'm hoping the dad group chat makes some jokes about the "Subprime Mortgage Field" and etc. with the ChiSox]
To be clear, I own a Louisville Mashers hat with an anthropomorphic bourbon barrel on it, and I came very close to buying an Altoona Pizzas hat.
Gotta say...I can easily see this being adapted into a great screenplay. You should get right on that (in between your full-time job, taking care of your kids, maintaining a consistent output for this newsletter, and writing your book).
it is a good coat
(I also appreciated the references to the Cookbook Literary Universe)
Shout out to the Lebanon Bolognas. I see what you did there
real ones know
In my grandma's Central PA accent, it's "Leb-nin"
NGL, I am having such fun reading this story, I want a vanity print of it so I can put it on the bookcase. Autographed, natch.
Thank you!
I loved your interpretation of the minor league teams. Down here in Texas we've had the Flying Chanclas (normally The Missons) and the Chupacabras (normally The Express) with mascots made to look like anthropomorphic jalapenos and tacos. We actually have an event where kids get to chase "Henry" the puffy taco around the bases between innings.
I love MiLB and hope it never changes.
MiLB is unironically the best sport, I love going to Bats games
Oh yeah. I love going with my in-laws to Missions/Chanclas games. It's great entertainment for out of town family and it's genuinely affordable, esp if you manage to land on a dollar dog night.
I have a Danville Dairy Daddies shirt without ever setting foot in that Virginia town. My wife says the mascot is concerning. I love the creativity and keeping something fun that is supposed to be fun.
This is exactly it. Sports are supposed to be fun, and the top tiers have largely forgotten that.
We can go watch a Missions/Chanclas game on a weeknight and have a great time. Concessions are reasonable, parking is just fine. Our family can have a lot of fun without having to pay the $$$ of going to a Major League game.
I love the Minor League Baseball is still trying to keep the fun of sports alive.
Oh and I had to look up that Dairy logo. I see why your wife thinks that, haha!
okay I had to look it up now too and: lmao
Trying to explain what a mett is was brilliant. Also I make sure to get some hot metts from the various butcher shops at Findlay Market every time I'm in Cincy and those two things might be a coincidence.
I immediately googled to see if that was a real kind of sausage.
I would never lie about sausage.
The Sox, really. If you said the Pirates, there would be no suspension of belief needed. Because signing a 40 something no name all-star would be right in their wheelhouse, like when they signed to cricket players because of course cricket is like baseball. But the story would get predictable as by mid-season the Yankees would call and Garrett would get a bazillion dollars and the Pirates pocket lint and a couple development players. No not a bitter Pirates fan here at all.
MiLB is what baseball needs with its quirkiness and that is why MLB will strangle it, because though shall no fun playing professional baseball as it is written in the unwritten rules.
As a White Sox fan, I can only assume that this will end badly.