26 Comments
Aug 30, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

Last week at work we learned that our youngest doctor (I think she's 26 or 27) had never heard of Captain Planet. A group of five or six of us then spent 10 minutes trying to explain the whole thing to her.

"Why did this exist?"

"Because Ted Turner liked having sex with Jane Fonda."

"Who are those people?!"

Expand full comment
Aug 30, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

I haven't finished reading yet, but I wanted to share my mild disappointment on you missing the "Captain Sandwich, it’s a gyro / gonna bring my hunger down to zero" pun opportunity. Get it together, Scott!

Expand full comment
author

It was still a pun, though! A hero is a sandwich!

Also if I mastered making gyros at home I'd probably die from eating too many gyros.

Expand full comment
Aug 30, 2023·edited Aug 30, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

I had the hero/gyro thought going too. Because there are two verses to the Captain Planet theme song(actual verses, not the chanting stuff)

"Captain Sandwich, it's a hero,

gonna bring my hunger down to zero.

Cookbook-style, clarified

Taking us on a sandwich ride.

...

Captain Sandwich, as a gyro,

gonna bring my hunger down to zero.

Gonna top it, with tzatziki,

Bringing us to sandwich apogee."

Expand full comment

Science says, you need to prove your hypothesis.

Expand full comment
Aug 30, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

Us Clevelanders are always thinking about [Mr.] Hero.

Expand full comment
Aug 30, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

Is a gyro a sandwich, or a wrap? Is a wrap a sandwich?

Expand full comment

A gyro can't be a wrap, wraps have to be fully enclosed. It's clearly a taco.

Expand full comment
Aug 30, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

I love how cooking can lead to "happy little accidents" (said in a Bob Ross voice) that take you to a better place than you intended to go.

Thought for sure that Earth would be mushroom based like a portabella "burger" but what you came up with is so much better. I really want to try that beet hummus.

Expand full comment
Aug 30, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

I thought for sure with the WATER sandwich you we’re going to visit your nemesis, the Soup Dumpling, and make it into a sandwich somehow.

Expand full comment
author

Lol. I did not, but I'm glad you recognized the similarity between this post and the soup dumpling post, because it definitely occurred to me in writing it.

(For those who might've missed it: https://actioncookbook.substack.com/p/the-simple-joy-of-fing-up-in-the)

Expand full comment
Aug 30, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

Well, I don't know from domestic CAFO turkeys, but wild turkeys absolutely DO fly, and reasonably well considering their size and the fact that they generally won't unless scared off their foraging. Watching them perch in the upper branches of an oak was fun; the tree looked like some kind of bizarro-world apple tree, but with feathered bowling balls.

PS, I have an unreasonable affection for your lovably dim dog.

Expand full comment
author

I realized that surely there are turkeys who do fly, but I couldn't pass on the WKRP in Cincinnati reference.

Expand full comment
Aug 30, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

I figured as much (it's one reference that must be dropped at any ripe opportunity) though I wanted you to know that turkey is definitely on the ingredient for any future flight themed menu items - especially prototypes that don't fly particularly well. *ahem*

Expand full comment
Aug 30, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

I will literally never not dissolve into a pile of helpless giggles when someone brings up the Turkey Drop. It's easily the most masterful scene in all of sitcom-dom and I will die on this hill.

Also: JEZEBEL SAUCE AND HAM. Oh my word, it's perfection. I am so glad it made you happy. I used to make this really complicated old-school fruit compote to go with ham that my ex's prissy old-Virginia aunt served. It's delicious but a royal pain in the tailfeathers and impossible to make in a reasonable quantity. Jezebel Sauce hits the same notes, plus that nice little savory zing of mustard/pepper, without the struggle.

Expand full comment
Aug 30, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

The "water" sardine sandwich reminds me of a German Rollmops, which is something that definitely was invented by a man who was left unsupervised for a long weekend.

p.s. don't know if that was a joke or not, but I take it you haven't been turkey hunting because it's shocking how fast those suckers can fly. I only know because my dad took me hunting a few times when I was a kid. We didn't have any luck because my dad didn't know they can see colors so "blaze orange" is not recommended, unless you want to see turkeys fly as they're pointing and laughing at the big doofus stomping around the woods in the most obvious manner possible.

Expand full comment
author

We'll justify my oversight by saying that the kind of turkeys that end up at the grocery store probably can't fly

also I just looked up rollmops and 1) i'm in 2) I'm pronouncing them "roll 'em ups"

Expand full comment
Aug 30, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

Now you have me wondering can I myself with way less culinary expertise conquer cooking duck at home... the wife’s gonna love this

Expand full comment
author

I was surprised by how easy it was!

Expand full comment

I’ve heard (though not tried) that duck is a good use of souls vide to take some of the challenge out

Expand full comment
author

I considered doing that, but I didn't really feel like getting the sous-vide setup out. Searing it in the pan was a lot easier than I expected, and the crispy skin was terrific.

Expand full comment
Aug 30, 2023Liked by Scott Hines

Was surprised earth wasn't an umami or matcha offering...maybe like all superhero fare we can expect a few too many sequels?

Expand full comment
author

I could see the push for more umami. I’m not personally a matcha fan, though.

Expand full comment

If any of those sandwiches produced flatulence, the whole endeavor was not carbon neutral.

Always appreciate the geaux big recipes and Olaf pictures.

Expand full comment
author

Yeah, but you'd have to measure against my baseline carbon emissions.

Expand full comment

That sounds like work and that it may be painful.

Expand full comment