We Need To Talk About the Skyline Ice Cream
I will NOT be outdone. (It's Friday, and I've got DESSERT MADNESS, cocktails, music, pets and more!)
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I think it’s safe to say that, over the five-plus years I’ve been writing this newsletter and the decade-plus of social media preceding that, I’ve built myself a bit of a reputation.
That is, I am known as one of the internet’s foremost appreciators of Cincinnati chili.
My vocal and decidedly non-ironic appreciation of this admittedly-divisive regional foodstuff sits directly at the core of what I believe this newsletter is about: I like food, I love embracing unusual and esoteric traditions, and I think we all could use a little bit more whimsy in our lives.
I wove these beliefs into a post a few years ago that’s as close to a mission statement as I’ve ever written:
It’s not a bit: I genuinely think that Cincinnati chili is good, and that most of the opposition to it online comes from people thrown off by its name (it’s really more of a Greek Bolognese than a chili) and/or people who’ve never actually tried it. It’s a monthly routine for my son and I to get Skyline together after we get haircuts, and it’s a tradition that I’ve come to cherish.
I’ve had a lot of fun over the years celebrating it, making riffs on the dish that include chili-stuffed cinnamon rolls, chili-stuffed arancini, Cincinnati-spiced cashews, Mexican Skyline and Korean Skyline.
So, of course, it was only natural that people would think of me when they heard about the ice cream. Back in the fall, Skyline Chili—the most prominent purveyor of Cincinnati chili—announced a collaboration with the excellent Cincinnati-based ice cream chain Graeter’s on a Skyline-flavored ice cream. As expected, a number of people tagged me to share the news the moment it broke and (also as expected) many of them were horrified at the prospect of chili-flavored ice cream.
They shouldn’t have been, though.
In making my defenses of the dish over the years, one point I’ve repeatedly hammered on is that the spice blend—which includes traditional “chili” spices such as chili powder and cumin, but also cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice and cloves—isn’t nearly as strange as the doubters make it out to be, and in fact is quite common in Greek and Balkan cuisines.
Heck, it took me years to realize that my appreciation of the dish was no doubt bolstered by its similarity to Pastitsio, a dish my family has been making my whole life.
The ice cream wasn’t going to include meat or noodles or anything—just cinnamon and some of those complementary spices, along with oyster crackers, a Skyline Chili staple. I was excited.
It released in the Ohio Valley on Monday, and I immediately rushed out to my local Skyline to procure some.
The verdict: It’s really good! Honestly!
The spices—devoid of heat and meat—played a lot like a good rendition of pumpkin spice, and the surprisingly-still-crisp oyster crackers gave it a nice salty crunch. I know you’re not going to be inclined to trust my judgment on this, but you have to believe me that it is good ice cream. My kids—never ones to trust me on any food—tried it and also thought it was good.
I should stress here that I have no relationship with Skyline and/or Graeter’s. I am not being compensated in any way to bear the flag of this odd regional chili. (Though, perhaps I should be. Hit me up, Skyline.) I just think it’s fun that this region has something unique to offer food-wise, and I find it to be a great format for the silly little food experiments that I love doing.
In fact, they inspired me to do another one of my own.
I mean, this is my wheelhouse. I’m not going to just stand here and be outdone.
If they can make Skyline Ice Cream, the only logical thing for me to do it take that idea, flip it and reverse it. That is to say: I’m making Ice Cream Skyline.
Friends, it’s Friday at the ACBN, and your pal Cookbook’s up to some of his old tricks.
I’ve got my own Skyline-inspired dessert for you today, but that’s not all. I’ve also got a terrific hybrid cocktail, some great new music, a delightful movie, reader-submitted pets, and more!
Fortune favors the bold, and these Friday flavors are just that.
But first, an update!
Last week, in response to the American government’s targeted and cruel moves to restrict the rights of our trans friends, I encouraged donations to The Trevor Project, a nonprofit focused on suicide prevention efforts among LGBTQ youth, offering up ACBN koozies for anyone who sent me a receipt.
Dozens of you did, and I’m very grateful for your generosity and concern for vulnerable people. The koozies have been packaged up and put in the mail as of yesterday, so please be on the lookout for those early next week.
If you didn’t get in on this round, I have some remaining merch and I’ll try to do something like this again very soon. As previously noted, it is the literal least I can do.
I scream, you scream. We’re all screaming!
Okay. So let’s talk about the Skyline ice cream.
The mad scientists ninety miles to my northeast pulled off something that I love to do: they crafted a food as a stunt, but did it such in a way that the end product was actually quite enjoyable. I’ve tried that a bunch here (succeeding some of the time) and I respect the heck out of it.
They also dislodged an idea that’s been stuck in the back of my mind.
Some time ago, I learned of the concept of “Spaghettieis”, a German dessert concoction that involves pressing ice cream into long, noodle-like strands and dressing it with a fruit sauce so as to resemble a place of spaghetti.
To me—a madman—this seemed ripe for adaptation into the Cincinnati chili format, wherein spaghetti is topped in a number of “ways”. (If you’re not familiar with the system, a “three-way” includes spaghetti, chili and cheese, a “four-way” adds diced white onions or red kidney beans, and a “five-way”—the only way I ever get it—involves all of these items.)
I could simply adapt Spaghettieis into Skyline-eis by finding things that more or less resembled those accoutrements.
Now, I want to assuage your fears up front. Much like Skyline/Graeter’s, I will not be employing meat in this. The best route for a “chili” analogue, I reasoned, would be topping the “noodles” with a freshly-made apple crisp. I used this recipe from The Chunky Chef as a base, halving it and adding allspice, nutmeg and cloves and a tiny pinch of cayenne pepper to the cinnamon already in it.
For the onions? Well, that’d be easy. I could dice a bar of white chocolate into small pieces resembling white onion.
I debated a few options for the beans—pecans, pralines, walnuts—before remembering the existence Boston Baked Beans, those old-school candy-coated peanuts. They’re explicitly meant to resemble beans! I tracked them down at a local Walgreens, and while I felt a bit odd checking out with nothing other than a single box of old-timey candy, I persisted.
For you, dear reader.
Everything I do, I do it for you.
The cheese would be the biggest question mark, as no plate of Cincinnati chili is complete without a heaping mound of finely-shredded sharp cheddar cheese.
There’s not a lot that can replicate that visual, and ultimately, I settled on my riskiest move: I’d simply keep the cheese. I know that sounds off-putting at first, but consider if you will: sharp cheddar cheese is a known pairing with apple pie1. I figured it could play well with my apple crisp.
Now, actually making the ice cream noodles posed a bit of a challenge.
Most information I could find online noted that a spaetzle press is normally used, but I don’t have one of those. A suggested alternative was a potato ricer, which I do have, but my first attempt—a test run with some old Graeter’s vanilla ice cream I had in the back of the freezer—was a complete failure. I couldn’t push it through at all. In retrospect, this shouldn’t have been a surprise; Graeter’s “French Pot” style ice cream is extremely thick.
[doffs cap, nods respectfully at it]
Some additional research let me to this product from Blue Bunny, a soft-serve-inspired “frozen dairy dessert” from their “Oops! All Stabilizers!” line.
This stuff is very soft and easily-scooped right out of the freezer, and it has the same vague chemical taste that Mr. Softee does. Not something I’d recommend for daily consumption, but I tested it in the potato ricer, and it worked perfectly.
I was back in business.
Please enjoy as this process unfolds, and understand that I specifically purchased an oval plate just so this would look right, because I care that deeply about precision when I’m making a silly food.
First, the noodles.
Yep, that’s ice cream noodles if I’ve ever seen them. (I’ve never seen them.)
Next, the “chili”, or apple crisp.
If I stopped here, I would have a perfectly normal dessert. I would consider that a personal failure, and that’s why I’m not stopping here.
Next, the “beans” and “onions”.
[cackling maniacally] why is this actually working
Finally, the cheese.
[Jesus Christ that’s Jason Bourne voice] Jesus Christ that’s Ice Cream Skyline
Okay, so—it looks like a five-way, but looks aren’t everything, especially if it’s not edible. Was it?
Friends, I’m here to tell you—it was surprisingly good. As in, actually good. The cannot-legally-call-it-ice-cream product itself wasn’t my favorite, and the cheese ratio was a bit high, but overall it was a wholly-successful remix of a normal, wholesome dessert (apple pie with cheddar cheese and vanilla ice cream) into a new and delightful shape.
I simply cannot be stopped.
(As a post-script, that apple crisp recipe linked above is really good, and I made a normal, non-skylinified version on the side for my family’s appreciation.)
Now, on to today’s beverage section—